Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Thursday night (Oct 6 2005) His Froginess (aka my French Fiance) suggests we should do Thanksgiving this year so we can be in the habit for feast with future kidlets. 'Let's get a turkey and the other things for it. Let's invite our friends over' Cautiously agree, wondering what the heck I'm getting myself into.
Friday at school: Invite friends over for Monday. Enthusiastically embraced by friends. Try to hide look of turkey-fear in eyes. Wonder what the heck I'm getting myself into
Friday, after school (Oct 7 2005) Go with His Froginess to the little band-run store that is our main food source. He goes off in one direction. I make a B-line for the back where I know the frozen turkeys are. Open freezer lid. Blanch. Only two turkeys left and both of them look like linebackers. Assess the monetary damage on both. Opt for the smaller of the two. Nearly fall in trying to drag up 55 pounds of turkey. Hit head. His Froginess shows uncharacteristic timeliness and helps me drag the beast up into the cart. Eyeing him with a "are you sure?". See that he looks shocked. Also can see he has that determined look on face that means 'It may be stupid but we're doing it'. Sigh internally and begin shopping for rest of fixings. No potatoes left... Agh! Run to fake potato section. Have no roasting pan remotely big enough for toddler size turkey. Blanch as I take only option: a tin baking pan that bends if looked at. Is not supposed to hold turkey of the size currently in shopping cart. Know there is no other option. Wonder what the heck I'm getting myself into
Later that evening: Call mother and beg for help. Mother assured her daughter is crazy but talks calmly to her about thawing for Monday, making gravy, etc... Take all information in with a dazed conscience, wondering what the heck I'm getting myself into.
Saturday(October 8, 2005)Go to fridge, cocking head at the monster taking up most of the upper fridge. Poke it to feel for thaw. Nothing. Go away. Return to fridge. Repeat the above innumerable times. Get worried by the evening. Wonder what the heck I'm getting myself into
Sunday morning(October 9, 2005): Repeat poking procedure. Relieved that it squishes in a bit. Test other parts. No squish. Damn! Wonder what the heck I'm getting myself into
Sunday afternoon: Fill sink with cold water and ice cubes. Compare white monster to toddler in sink. Turn every hour. More squish with poke. Starting to lose heart palpitations somewhat. Return monster to fridge at night. Feel that insides still frozen. Heart palpitations begin again. Tin foil container catches metal fridge spoke. See tiny hole. Know store is closed tomorrow. Nearly faint. Patch hole with plastic. Hope for best. Wonder what the heck I'm getting myself into
Monday morning (October 10, 2005): Up early. Try to ignore turkey. Hoping it will cook itself. And find a new pan. Wonder what the heck I'm getting myself into
10:00am:Face reality. Call mom again for reassurances and to actually write down recipe for stuffing this time. Call neighbour. Beg for aluminum foil on pretense of needing tent for turkey. Dump turkey in sink again with water. Patch hole with tinfoil layers and tape. Say a few Hail Marys. Pour hotwater down throat of beast. Actually smile when can get giblet bag and neck out. Keep in sink with water. Make stuffing. His Froginess mentions good smell. Ignore him as bird butt being stuffed. Lay in tin bin. Pray. Put in preheated oven. Wonder what the heck I'm getting myself into
Later that morning: Begin basting beast with friggin' small spoon. Have no baster. Realize how friggin' unprepared for this I am. Pray. Wonder what the heck I'm getting myself into
Later that afternoon: Shocked to see the beast dripping off so much juice and browning slowly and nicely. Think my prayers have been answered. Even smells good.
Late afternoon: See that turkey is lovely but awash in juices. And hot. And suddenly realize it needs to get out of the oven. In one piece. Without spilling. Panic. Try and finish other food goods in good humor. Not succeeding well. Call mother in panic about gravy production again. Wonder what the heck I'm getting myself into
Friends arrive: Everyone has food. Table starting to groan. Turkey still not out. H.Froginess suggests taking it out himself know what klutziness follows in my wake. Ain't gonna happen. Panic. Decide to each take one side in both hands. Carefully lift from oven. Pray.Pray.Pray. Lands with quiet thud. Open eyes. Thank my lucky stars. Beloved friend helps remove beast and drain juice into 8 cup measuring cup. Thank my lucky stars I bought cup a month before. Turkey juice almost to the top. Alarmed. Turn to beloved friend who helps me make gravy as brain cells lose all conciousness, forgetting mommy's suggestions. Could nearly kiss friend as gravy and turkey get served in fairly ample time. Sit down. Eat. Laugh. Eat. Relax. Make mental note. Buy smaller turkey waaaaay ahead of Thanksgiving next time. Buy roasting pan. Buy baster. Buy brain.
All told, though, it was my first time turkey cooking and it went better than expected despite my long weekend panic attack. I will plan waaaaaaaaay ahead next time.